Friday, July 24, 2009

Tums... a FatBoy's best friend...

Hey Kids! Did ya pull an all nighter this past weekend? Or, too many ribs at the local BBQ joint? Well today we give Tums the once over.

Usefulness... 3... If you have ever gotten up in the middle of night with your throat and belly on fire from late night cocktails topped off by Waffle House or cold pizza... you know that Tums is a necessary item in your pocket, medicine cabinet, car console, desk drawer, night stand, or any where else a roll of Tums might fit! If the heart burn is bad enough you will even eat the one that rolled under the car seat last year!

Satisfaction... 2... Basic Tums works good enough. It is reasonably quick and effective. It lasts a few hours and is generally palatable.

Durability... 5... If one Tums worked all day it would be perfect. And that variety of antacid exists. Tums, however works long enough. It's size makes a second dose no more bothersome than the first. As for the durability of the brand... well, what could be more durable. When asking for an antacid tablet you either ask for "Tums" or "Rolaids". We imagine they split the market evenly. HQ likes the Tums because they seem to be a bit tastier.

Overall... 3... Some things are just about good enough. Tums is one of them. Sure it could be immediate relief and sure it could last all day from one dose... but it just works good. And... it always works. And... it is cheap. And... it is portable. And... We love it.

13-14 points!!!! Approved

"C" Note.... Approved

While we considered a normal by the numbers approach to the "Benjamins," in the end it was agreed that an honorary "approved" was just as sufficient, if not more so.

Here is why we so honor the $100 bill.

It buys copious amounts of food and booze.

It impresses people.

It's compact.

It's recognized around the world.

It looks good.

It makes you feel good to simply have one.

It makes for a great way to get out of paying for things sometimes since "I only have a hundred on me."

And as a wise man used to say, "There are very few situations that a "C-Note" can't fix."

Let FatBoys everywhere rejoice! The C-Note is hereby APPROVED!

Thursday, July 9, 2009

MQ-9 Reaper... Rain Hell from Above!

Mom's and Dad's don't fuss at little Jimmy for playing video games all day just yet. That hand eye coordination is not with out merit!

Perhaps Jimmy is actually studying to pilot an MQ-9 Un-maned Ariel Vehicle (UAV). Fat Boy was directed to this aptly named war bird by our Coastal Commando at Fat Boy HQ South. While some of you might think this is a stretch because we haven't actually tested the MQ-9... we however think that this is patently appropriate fodder for FB HQ.

The new UAV is said to be a "hunter killer" improvement over past birds. This version is designed to seek out threats and neutralize them. Most UAV applications now have a recon mission and are only lightly armed for the occasional incursion. This new weapon goes out looking for a fight!

To the numbers!

Usefulness... 3... it seems our warfighters have been asking for this. A UAV that can provide ground support in a quick and decisive fashion. That is exactly what the MQ-9 Reaper does. It is faster than previous UAVs and has the ability to equip 3000 lbs of deadly munitions. What is more this attack plane is piloted from the safety and comfort of Nevada or other undisclosed locations! No pilots at risk!

Satisfaction... 2... we dock one point for the very reason we gave full points above. While keeping US service men and women safe is a great and noble goal, payback is a drink best served in person. I imagine if you ask a pilot in an A-10 Warthog and a pilot of a UAV to compare how "satisfying" bring the fight to the enemy is, the pilot on scene would probably win.

Durability... 4... almost full marks! This UAV has about a 14-16 hour window of operation with full battle gear and moves better than 220 mph. This is an improvement over previous UAV of similar size and scope. But it is not the case for the Global Hawk UAV that boasts about 30-40 hours of operating time. Of course this bird is strictly recon.

Overall... 3... overall this addition to the arsenal is just what the doctor ordered. Faster, more deadly, cooler! Where do we sign up... time to add three hours a day of XBOX training to the old resume!


Crowne Plaza Hotel... Nice and Quiet!

Fat Boy HQ held a corporate retreat in Phoenix AZ this past week. The temporary HQ was at the Crowne Plaza airport location.

This was our third stay at a Crowne Plaza location. This one was the "Crowne" jewel. It was a clean, well lit place that Hemingway would have been very proud of.

Let's consult the data!

Usefulness... 3... We are giving full points on this one because even though the room was a bit small for our tastes it was well appointed and served our needs flawlessly. The internet connection was slow but persistent and with a strong signal.

Satisfaction... 2... Full marks would have been awarded if the price had been a bit better. It was a good price, but could have been better. In other words, we didn't feel taken in the least, but we didn't feel as though HQ got a great deal either. There was also an attempt to sell us a $5 bottle of water in the room! Ha!

We ordered room service one night. It arrived fast and was about the best turkey club EVER!

Durability... 5... Full marks here. The hotel looked brand new! Everything was clean, in place and working. The bed was comfy and the towels soft by hotel standards. FatBoys everywhere would feel right at home with the large bath room and reasonable shower size. Sturdy, stylish furnishings made the HQ bunch very welcome and relaxed.

As we often do on FB Tested we reference the "brand" in durability. Crowne Plaza is an ICH hotel. ICH is Intercontinental Hotel and Holiday Inn. Usually very reliable. It seems you can expect ICH to be a consistent and persistent brand in the future.

Overall... 2... We dock one point for a few reasons. While our particular Phoenix stay was lovely, we got the suite on a discount. Even with the discount I consider the rate pricey. So the normal price would certainly sting a bit. Then there was the $5 bottle of water thing. Probably a corporate decision because there was one small FREE bottle of water in the room as well. Which, tells me local management is put off by the $5 bottle of water. Finally, hotels secure about $100 over the expected cost of the stay on your card to cover incidentals. We at Fat Boy HATE this and will always dock a point for this practice. If the over charge came off immediately, fair play to ye. But, it doesn't. Someone holds on to that money for a few days, earns some interest on it, uses it, whatever and then gives it back to you. This is the kind of thing that drives HQ crazy.

12 of 14... pretty damn good! Crowne Plaza is Approved!

Friday, July 3, 2009

Saiga 12 Guage Shotgun... Woah!

Talk about your street sweepers! The Saiga 12 imported by Russian American Armory is a lot of firepower! This is an AK-47 style shot gun! You can get a 12 round magazine if 5 rounds of 12ga 00 Buckshot isn't enough for your needs. It comes in two barrel lengths, 19 and 22.4". You can dress up the gun with many of the accessories that would fit an AK-47 style rifle, and there are more and more kits made just for this firearm as its popularity rises.

To the numbers...

Usefulness...2... The one thing you can't do with this is bird hunt. Or at least you can't do it well when the law requires you to only have three rounds in your gun. Even if a two round magazine existed, reloading would still be cumbersome.

However, this gun is starting to enjoy a lot of popularity in "3 Gun" competitions. The large mag capacity and reliable action make it a great choice for the scatter gun portion of the match. If we gave partial points the consensus at Fat Boy HQ is that we would award another half point for the success the firearm is enjoying in the shooting sports. But, we don't.

Satisfaction... 3... Loading up and emptying a 12 round magazine at a target 10 yards away is not only a satisfying experience, but also a spiritual one. Around round 7 or 8 your mind and body start to appreciate the sheer dominance you are wielding when you take this firearm through its paces. Max Points!

Durability... 3... While HQ would count this as a quality firearm, there are some durability issues. The gun is a bit "plasticy". This could be fixed quickly with one of the many upgrade kits available. As well the receiver isn't as durable as we would like even though fit is not an issue out of the box, 2000 rounds down the road it could be.

Further, this gun hates cheap ammo. You will need hot loads with at least 1oz and an 1/8th of shot. Keep it clean and well lubed or you will experience feed issues.

Overall... 3... What this gun misses in some categories it makes up in cool points. Sure it's a bit of a novelty gun, but it is also enjoying practical success that evinces longevity.

Saiga 12 Gauge you are Approved! 11 of 14 points!!!

Brittney Leigh... OMG!

Brittney is a model from Georgia that is enjoying tremendous success. Just look at all of her work! HQ thinks that Brittney exemplifies what a Fat Boy looks for in a girl: charm, style, grace, minimal fabric in a bikini!

Usefulness... 3... We at Fat Boy Head Quarters are thinkers, we sit around pondering "what if?" What if Brittney were to visit our HQ would that be considered useful? What would we get out of it? Well, other than classing the place up a bit we would be in the company of a stunning beauty. How could that not be useful..?

At Fat Boy we condone with all earnestness the appreciation of beauty, particularly beauty like we find in Brittney Leigh. If one were to endeavor to stare at this kind of beauty for days on end, months and years even we would consider it a noble cause.

Satisfaction... 2... Now, once again, Brittney has never actually visited HQ. So we must dock her 1 point. The invitation is permanently extended! Otherwise one look at this Georgia beauty and you do want more... but in that good way!!!

Durability... 4... Brittney has been modeling for a few years and has enjoyed tremendous success! We reserve the final point to award down the road when we see if she exhibits true longevity.

Overall... 3... Overall this young lady tempts us in all the right ways. Sexy, beautiful, consistently clad in a bikini! What more could a Fat Boy want? Max Points!

Model Brittney Leigh is APPROVED with 12 of 14 points!


Friday, June 26, 2009

Michael Jackson... Approved!

Fat Boy HQ is in mourning. Michael Jackson, while certifiably crazy, was also crazy talented and crazy influential.

Fat Boy Head Quarters with all the power vested in it by Fat Boys everywhere here by bestows an honorary APPROVED on Michael Jackson. For all that he has given us and for what his music and talent will give to future generations. Thanks Michael, may you rest in peace.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

The Ruger SR 9 Pistol...

While we at Fat Boy love Ruger and consider them a consistent brand you can rely on, we don't particularly love the SR 9.

Usefulness... 1... Because the SR 9 only comes in 9mm (hence the "9") and 9mm is a great target round but a poor personal defense round we have to mark off two points. The SR 9 is not a target gun. It is a personal defense gun. It also has a poor trigger pull and rough action. The action is not terrible but it could be better.

Satisfaction... 3... The weapon fires well. There is ample "gear" to go with the SR 9 like holsters, mag pouches, etc. It is not too heavy and will conceal reasonably well enough in the Winter months. Fat Boy HQ was impressed with the smooth cycling between shots and a reasonable muzzle climb. Very satisfying!

Durability... 4... This is a Ruger quality gun with all the fit and polish you would expect from Ruger. We take off one point because the SR 9 did suffer from a recall in the past. In another year Fat Boy will be willing to give back that one point when we are satisfied there are no more recall issues.

Overall... 2... Comparing this gun with the Smith and Wesson "sigma" series I have to award the trophy to S&W. The Ruger costs more but delivers the same performance. It also only comes in the 9mm caliber. (Bullet speed coupled with low bullet weight make it a poor defense round.) While this is a quality firearm it is not a great value comparatively. And Fat Boys want a heavier round, 180 grains minimum. I think the saying goes, "never show up to a gun fight with anything that doesn't start in '4' ". (44 mag, 45 acp, 40 S&W)

Fat Boy HQ searched for ways to give this Ruger product the nod. We just could not. It came down to the S&W "sigma" series being generally $50 cheaper and having strikingly similar performance. Denied!

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Bacon... Was there every any question?

It is with all appropriate reverence that we consider the most versatile of foods... BACON.

"The most universally useful food ever invented, certain to forever be a Fat Boy mainstay.
It works for breakfast, it works on a lunchtime cheeseburger, it works on a dinner salad.
Even it's remnants, the grease, has an endless list of uses..." - Borrowed from our Lowcountry HQ.

We were tempted to list some of our favorite Bacon recipes like bacon-wrapped-bacon or bacon-wrapped-cheese or our personal favorite here at Fat Boy HQ... a stick of butter, wrapped in cheese, wrapped in bacon. This is a great dish for those of us who suffer from an overly regular heart rate and extra wide arteries.

The numbers...

Usefulness... 3... There is no more useful food or eatable item. Water comes close.

Satisfaction... 3... Have you ever heard someone say "there was too much bacon on that sandwich..?" Bacon satisfies but leaves you asking for more... Perfection!

Durability... 5... Bacon is timeless. As long as there is air in a Fat Boy's lungs there will be bacon on his plate! As for practical durability, the salty greasy nature of the product makes Bacon the poster child for durable foods! Salted pork was in fact for all times coveted for its durability!!!

Overall... 3... Overall Bacon does not disappoint. It enhances every meal. It comes in all kinds of shapes and sizes and flavors. Hurray Bacon!!!

Perfect Marks... Approved!!!